Writing a Rejection Letter When You Disagree with the Decision

It’s especially tough to pass along a rejection decision that you disagree with. Maybe you fought hard for a job candidate everyone else was unimpressed by, or championed the cause of a vendor that the executive committee thought was too expensive. I know I’ve argued for articles that ther editors thought weren’t ready for prime time. It’s not a good feeling.

When this happens, it’s tempting to hide behind passive voice or other people — eg, “It has been decided that we won’t  be pursuing this” or “The bigwigs have decided to go in a different direction.” Resist that temptation. It’s not any easier to get rejected in that fashion, and writing that way undercuts your authority as a decisionmaker.

If you’re the one issuing a rejection, own the rejection. It’s fair to say something like, “After a lot of discussion and back-and-forth, we’ve decided X” or “It was a really hard decision, but we’ve ultimately decided Y.” But say “we,” not “they.”

A rejection letter in which you’re hiding behind someone else’s skirt inhibits your ability to give useful feedback. It also makes your organization look fractious or contentious, which undermines other people’s desire to work with you in the future.

Writing a Rejection Letter After a Ton of Back and Forth

The other kind of rejection that’s really tough to deliver is the one where you’ve both put in a lot of time and effort to make the thing work — but it’s still not working. Now, despite the sunk costs, it is time to cut your losses and move on. In some cases, a phone call is the best way to deliver this kind of news — use your judgment. But if you decide to write an email, it’s OK to keep it brief. Usually, at this point, you and your counterpart will have spent so much time talking about the problems with the project or the piece that your counterpart will already know the reason behind the rejection; you just need to recap it briefly. Here’s an example:

Hi [Their name],

Thanks for taking another stab at this. I really appreciate all the time and effort you’ve put in. Unfortunately, despite both of our best efforts, I think [problem X still applies] and we’re still not hitting the mark. At this point, I’d say let’s set this one aside and move ahead.

[Your name]

The other thing I try to do when delivering this kind of tough news is position myself on the same side as the person I’m rejecting: We have made a good faith effort; and despite that effort, we have fallen short. This isn’t just window-dressing; if you’re rejecting something after a lot of involvement, then some part of the failure is yours, too. (And maybe a sign that you should have sent a quicker rejection sooner in the process, when it would have been less painful for both of you.)

Delivering bad news is tough, and in different companies or cultures these examples may sound either overly harsh or too nice. You’ll need to find your own language depending on the context and the culture. That said, remember: don’t soften the blow just for the sake of blow-softening. False kindness just gives people false hope. And there’s nothing kind about that.