The Art of Happiness - Secure Attachment

Here we will discuss the problem with being alone and the solution for it. Avoidance is a repellent for happiness. The need for autonomy and freedom can lure us into being avoidant. However, human beings are always dependent on each other. This counters the desire to be alone. The only ones who don’t need company in this world are the sociopaths.

Human beings are social animals. To be happy, they need to bond socially. Having company is not a luxury, but a necessity. Moreover, recluse people hardly find favor from others. Moreover, during the times when our health condition goes down, we need people to be by our side.

Avoidant people are also the ones who feel lonely a lot. Loneliness leads to depression. And depression is just the opposite of happiness. The solution is to find a middle path. This middle path is called the secure attachment.

What is Secure Attachment?

Secure attachment lies between being avoidant and being desirous of feeling loved. To find out more about secure attachment, ask yourself a lot of questions on how much do you want to be loved by your partner or how much you can withstand your best friend to drift towards other person. Ask yourself how much do you fear being lonely or how much do you want to be lonely. Ask yourself how much romance you need in life. The answer to these questions will help you decide how much desirous you are for love and relationships.

It is vital to maintain a middle path between desire for love and attention and total avoidance. This is where secure attachment comes into place. The extent to be needy and desire love and attention is normally not in our control. To an extent, it is dependent on the upbringing we have had. Those who don’t get enough love during childhood are more prone to be avoidant or desirous of love and attention. This tendency can however be overcome with constant efforts.

This can be done by grooming the people accordingly. Telling them about stories that have a positive moral attached to it is one way to do so. Our attachment style is deeply influenced by our childhood experiences, yet it can be changed in the later years.

Practicing Self-compassion

The tendency of each human being can be changed by experiencing positive experiences. One of the other ways is to practice self-compassion. Self-compassion is required when we experience failure or when we feel unworthy of love and attention. Hence, self-compassion can help us find a way to counter desire for love and attention. Being self-compassionate helps to reverse the need for love.

The main reason for being needy or avoidant is the negative experiences that the people have had in their childhood. Those who have self-compassion find it easier to add more value to their relationships and hence make them more meaningful. This helps them to be happier than others. Self-compassion helps to deal with the insecurity that one has in life.

Show Gratitude

Showing gratitude also helps in improving happiness at many levels. Gratitude helps people to connect more easily with others. This improves the quality of relationships, making us happier. There is one more thing that can help in this regard, which we will look into in the next chapters. The strategy is called creative altruism. Research shows that being charitable increases our happiness levels and positively impacts our relationship with others around us.